Fixing Me

Have you ever just wanted your child to be fixed? I have. Sometimes I just want everything to be done with: rigorous supplementing routines, special diets, expenses, babysitting challenges, conversations with therapists and specialists... Some days I want to yell STOP WORLD! and get off for a while, sit by a waterfall somewhere and pretend none of it is happening.

Well, the world doesn't stop, but I can. And when I do, I have the opportunity to reflect, learn, grow and change. I get to fix me! At first, I wanted to change so I could be helpful to Jaedon, but I soon realized I wanted to grow just for me! I really appreciate the learnings along the way, lessons I probably would not have decided to learn if Jaedon had not been in my life.

So, when I want the world to stop, I do step off, and take the opportunity to reflect on all I've learnt, how I've grown and how much more helpful I can now be to my community.

The lesson of loving and accepting has been very significant for me. I realized that I would learn to accept a particular behavior, just to have it change and then be freaked out by another behavior. What a relief to discover that my reactions were about me! They had nothing to do with my son (who I could not 'fix') and everything to do with my internal self (something I could change)!

So, if you identify with my thoughts above and sometimes want the world to stop, here is my suggestion: STOP! Take a breather, 15 mins, an hour, a day. Take what you think would be helpful. Then slow your mind down and remind yourself of all you have learned. It will energize you to hop back into the swing things.

PS. Schedule your next stopping session immediately. Be pro-active about giving yourself a break.